blue lips, blue veins.

did you know i don't listen to her songs...remind me of you.
i ran across old conversations; saved in my box of memories.
it makes my stomach twist in knots. i can't believe how things turn out.

why was it so hard. for both of us. to figure it out.
i feel bad for boys...girls are so so so complicated.
probably unnecessarily so.. i don't even know what to say.

they keep showing your projects in g.d. so much talent.
i like looking at them again. feels like we're back in 1419.
she's shows pictures of her kid ALL THE TIME. (not that cute).
you know how i feel about baby's. and i know how you felt about her pregnancy. hahaha.

what am i suppose to say now. what is there to say.
hey. i miss you. you were my best friend.
my sadness and your happiness got in the way? no, that's so unfair.

especially to you. this isn't alright. i don't like how this feels still today.
it's unsettled. i want to tell you about all the things that happen.
there's something every. day. -- but...i just can't do it.

i wanted things to be better. i wanted you to try.
maybe.. maybe...i don't know. maybe that's life.
maybe this is how it's gonna be. or maybe it was all me.

i hope you're well. and sincerely happy.
and i wish you the best.
even though you'll never really know.

blue, the color of our planet, from far, far away.

dear willow,
it's getting close to christmas, dangerously close.
i called the house today. just to let it ring.
with each lonely shrill in my ear,
i thought i could remember the way you would say, "one ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy..."
where are you?
"i am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds of circling flight."
why do i love birds in flight so much? even more now.
are you there?
next fall, i know you will be the leaves, running to grandma's house.
this christmas...doesn't seem fair.
why is december so hard?
grandma, tell me. why is december so hard?
i miss you,, i miss you even more than december is hard,
i love you,
-the little one.

one more thing in any which direction...

remember when i told you that... ^ 

well, it just happened.

COLORFUL BLOOD EVERYDAY EXPLODING HEAD

 COLORFUL BLOOD EVERYDAY EXPLODING HEAD 

COLORFUL BLOOD EVERYDAY EXPLODING HEAD 

COLORFUL BLOOD EVERYDAY EXPLODING HEAD 

COLORFUL BLOOD EVERYDAY EXPLODING HEAD 

you feel that, i rip back...

you feel bad? you feel sad?

"i'm sorry?" hell no fuck that!

it was my heart, 

it was my life, 

it was our start, 

it was your knife.
and these lungs have sung this song for too long,

and its true I hurt too, remember i loved you! 

i've, lost it all, fell today, 

it's all the same
i'm sorry oh, i'm sorry no.
i've, been abused, i feel so used, 

because of you
i'm sorry oh, i'm sorry no. 


the future that we both drew, 

and all the shit we've been through.

ahhh, remember when you sang me that song. 

terrible times. when it's bad, it's awful.

but when it's great, it's.....indescribable.

sad day.

i spent the afternoon hanging posters everywhere around spearfish and campus.

the fundraising is over.

elliot was not chosen to adopt annie.

sad day.

:(