and you're not even around.

today has been so long. just like last night.

just a very busy time. i'm trying to keep a balance of sorts but it doesn't ever feel like it's working.

in the end, sleep time suffers.

by the time i'm ready for bed, i still have around 3 more hours of homework type things, work, or working out. by the time i lay my head down, i start to think. i hate thinking before bed. it never works out well for me. so i usually take a sleeping aid to avoid the whole process. therefore, the next morning, it's still running its course because i've only slept for four hours.

enough of that nonsense though. i have news.

"my boyfriend's" name is cody. :) he was in my dorm the other night studying with a group of kids and i heard them call him that. they were studying for psychology. i got a 94. there was talk the night before that cody was definitely going to fail. next time i'll tell him to study with me.

i spent four and a half hours in the dark room today and i'm certain my hands will permanently smell like fixer. have you ever smelt fixer? at first you think that it smells terrible. the more time you spend with it, the more you start to kinda like it.

i really miss someone. it's really starting to suck even more than before.

it's driving me crazy. it's making me irritated.

before i leave, to write 2 papers and read government articles...i'd like to leave you with two things.

first, "god of wine" by third eye blind.

...I walk home alone with you / And the mood you're born into / Sometimes you let me in / And I take it on the chin / I can't get clean again / I want to know can we get clean again...

...And soon the cells give way, and cancels out the day / I can't keep it all together / I know I know I know... / I can't keep it all together / And the siren's song that is your madness / Holds a truth I can't erase / All alone on your face / Every glamorous sunrise / Throws the planets out of line / A star sign out of whack, a fraudulent zodiac / And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room / You let me down, I said it, now I'm going down / And you're not even around / And I said no no no... / I can't keep it all together / I know I know I know... / I can't keep it all together...

second, the naked newspaper files ::

i feel this way.

.........ceaf out.

this and that

"my boyfriend" smiled at me this morning!! :) :)

we had a re-take in psychology. so we all had to get up at 7 to go take the test.

i finished and got my score and sat back in my chair to wait for my friend tristyn.

and i looked up to watch people. a few minutes later he came to the front to get his test scanned to get his score.

and as he walked out of the room,

he glanced at me!

and i grinned and he smiled back!

it was so neat. haha.

maybe today won't be so bad after all..

now i want to be "ceaf"

what does it mean if i can't decide on a name?

how mad will people get if i kept changing?

who will stop following?

and how much support will i loose?

i don't want to switch again.

i wish i loved white t like i did in the beginnning.

hmm....

what is my deal?

anyway, love the dull color on this.

it's a dull day.

but it's pizza day! except my roommate had to go pay her fine to the Sturgis Courthouse. speeding. pretty funny, she called me right after.

mitch; more to come.

we don't need to whisper

i said hi to "my boyfriend" today but he didn't hear me. he was at dinner with a bunch of people that live on the second floor of my hall, they all walked by and i just said hi! and he kept goin. in his defence, it was pretty loud and there was another guy inbetween us as they walked. i wanted to tell you all that he has one of those 'baby' faces, you know the cute ones like "ahh he's so cute." he's funny i think but really shy. from what i perceive.

i'm studying and writing reports and all this junk i don't wanna be doing.

here's a fun story too:

my roommate's boyfriend, tyler ball. yes, ball. is hiding in our room because some guy wants to fight him because he said hello to his ex girlfriend, magg. the guy lives in rapid and drove 45 miles down to our campus to stand outside to say he's gonna fight tyler. the ex is stalking maggie apparently.

probably comment on this again later. that's all i have in my little brain to share. until later bloggers................