dear willow,
happy birthday. i save days like these.
i pull everything up to see. to remember. to burn.
i want to call you. just to hear it ring, but i know it's not your phone now.
i want to come over. but i know it's not your house now.
i want to be able to say happy birthday.
but how can you hear it.
i can't believe we're missing this.
i've been up for an hour and i feel so distracted.
i stare off. i think of my mother.
and my cousins, brother and sister. i think of your boys.
i want to hear your stories and talk about your day.
i want to hear you calling to thank me for the card. and fight about the jesus vs. hallmark crown i would have drawn on the back.
sweet adeline....it's still so hard.
i pull everything up to see. to remember. to burn.
i'll still save days like these.
happy birthday,
i love you.
miss you,
claire ellen adele.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
my sins caught up with you
i need somebody to talk to, but i pushed you away.
i need somebody who understands, but it doesn't look like your coming back.
side note: something with hair blurring my photos..i love.
side note: little details is something i'll always be about.
side note: something about the waves will always be apart of me.
Monday, September 19, 2011
the way that i fall
I wish there was a legit disorder for like kids like me who can't focus long enough to write one little paragraph in paper cause there is too much creative things to do. Or like you can't focus on reading that feminism homework or do other butt munch shit because there are too many awesome things to look at and awesome music to bang around too. (no, i do not mean that kind of bang) and create stuff. and do art.
ahhhh!
GOLD DUST.
i can feel my heart
breaking in front of you
this is me
im walking away
i can feel my heart
breaking in front of you
so long
i'm leaving today
fffff
drowning
we all know, we all know by now that you're the only thing that you talk about. we all know, we all know that things won't work out, no. you've got nothing to say. you've got nothing to say. you've got nothing.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Baltic to Boardwalk
fucking love music.
i love the feeling of watching these fuckin kids get together.
they make families out of each other and it is so kick ass.
literally left on a high.
to the many bands that showed up last night, thank you. well done. you're awesome as hell.
please critique? i already know i need to practice this more and NOT forget my flash at home. :(
wanna see more?
http://www.clairefiedler.com/apps/blog/show/8746849-baltic-to-boardwalk
wanna listen to them?
http://baltictoboardwalk.bandcamp.com/
still want more?
http://baltictoboardwalk.bigcartel.com/
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Notes
Note 1: I have never been one for babies.
Basically, they scare the shit out of me.
I thought of them as annoying, un-cute, and just a hassle. Nothing I want to be near, or frankly, care about.
When you think these things, you tell yourself.. "Well, I'll like mine. Maybe my brothers' or sisters'." You say these things to not seem so horrible while thinking the previous.
Note 2: I love my job. The people I work with are more than people I work with. I trust them all. And they trust me. It feels good. I feel like I am apart of the team. And it feels good. The long, exhausting hours are rough on my sleep, sanity, and school, true. But not impossible. Leaving with the work done, 100+ percent in...It feels good. It makes me want to work more. (thank you dad).
The Point: Today, I held my first baby.
Let me just say, the trust from note 2 made me feel comfortable enough to accept the..peer pressure. Note 1 made me conscious of my facial expressions. But that little kid. I've never held a baby. I am the youngest. I never had to encounter this task. When they put him in my arms, I was all, "whoa. nope. nope. get it away. can't do this." The second thing I thought was, "Holy shit, he's warm." His mom, confirmed, yes, he's a toasty one. His fingers and toes were so long. He squirmed and winked. A big yawn. I just decided I would watch him and listen. I don't remember the rest of the conversation. (Other than me and the other photog thinking he's totally gonna be a photographer from the comment that he loves to just look at things.) So now I can say...I get it. To the moms out there, I get it now. But never call me to baby sit. I don't wanna sound cheesy, but holy shit was that little body alive. To think two people created that. Yikes.
The End:
I'll keep the memory in mind. Something to smile at. To wonder at. But, I'm still on the whole, "Whoa. baby, no thanks" path.
'nough said...........ceaf out
Basically, they scare the shit out of me.
I thought of them as annoying, un-cute, and just a hassle. Nothing I want to be near, or frankly, care about.
When you think these things, you tell yourself.. "Well, I'll like mine. Maybe my brothers' or sisters'." You say these things to not seem so horrible while thinking the previous.
Note 2: I love my job. The people I work with are more than people I work with. I trust them all. And they trust me. It feels good. I feel like I am apart of the team. And it feels good. The long, exhausting hours are rough on my sleep, sanity, and school, true. But not impossible. Leaving with the work done, 100+ percent in...It feels good. It makes me want to work more. (thank you dad).
The Point: Today, I held my first baby.
Let me just say, the trust from note 2 made me feel comfortable enough to accept the..peer pressure. Note 1 made me conscious of my facial expressions. But that little kid. I've never held a baby. I am the youngest. I never had to encounter this task. When they put him in my arms, I was all, "whoa. nope. nope. get it away. can't do this." The second thing I thought was, "Holy shit, he's warm." His mom, confirmed, yes, he's a toasty one. His fingers and toes were so long. He squirmed and winked. A big yawn. I just decided I would watch him and listen. I don't remember the rest of the conversation. (Other than me and the other photog thinking he's totally gonna be a photographer from the comment that he loves to just look at things.) So now I can say...I get it. To the moms out there, I get it now. But never call me to baby sit. I don't wanna sound cheesy, but holy shit was that little body alive. To think two people created that. Yikes.
The End:
I'll keep the memory in mind. Something to smile at. To wonder at. But, I'm still on the whole, "Whoa. baby, no thanks" path.
'nough said...........ceaf out
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