i wish i was better these days...

link: for people who suck at thanksgiving

I know that you might not read it all, but it's there if you wanted too.
Some parts like,  

"My thoughts gravitate to whatever's missing, whatever's lost or broken or painful. My heart worries and fears. There is plenty to be thankful for but those are not the scenes I stay stuck in."



My heart worries and fears...
Or,

"I wish i was better at being present."


 And it's true for me too:
"My life is absurd in terms of how privileged it is."


So why?
"So what's with all the pain? What's with not being able to sleep at night? What and where the heck is "home?" Is it possible to be healthy? To be patient? Why do i feel things so deeply?" 



I'm not at the point where he is. Taking it all and believeing it shaped his life. Maybe that's true. But I'm not there where I can appreciate the way it has shaped me. I do agree, I believe that life, love CAN come back. That the dreams that live inside me are there for a reason.. But for right now, it may not be true...it does feel like I'm a story about losing.
i wish i was better these days.




Playlist for reading and writing this blog (on shuffle):

His Girl Friday, The Academy Is...
The Theft, Atreyu
One Year, Six Months, Yellowcard
Miracle!, Paramore
Welcome to Heartbreak, Kanye West