ellen adele

Monday, May 31, 2010

i know it must be late

because it's yesterday.

it's so hard to see.

i know you know how my silence goes.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

we are pilots

yeah your selfish, just like everybody else. so drink up.

bubbles added for effect. need more arms.

taken by the nighttime. taken by the moonshine. woah.

taken by the bright lights. you're denyin, but you're tied to your desires.

yeah, you're selfish, just like everyone else. so drink up.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

if we try hard enough

there is so much great out there, how can i possibly keep up..

i was sick today.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

stones and pop, a long one.

i really like coke on ice, from the can.

the first thing i do is suck down the fizz after i pore it in.

there's always just gobs of it and it tingles up into my nose.

my grandma got me started with that.

but i really like coke from the can, on ice.

almost better than a can of mountain dew.

i was having a really good coke from the can on ice when all of sudden my back was hurting. and it would not go away. i finished the coke, and it still didn't stop. i thought it was the usual, cracked vertebrae acting annoyed. anyway, it didn't go away and didn't go away. so i went down to the poolside for some advice. "go lay down." i got home and layed down, it got worse. i started to get nervous and my mom came home from work, it had been about 2 hours since i thought it was the cracked vertebrae. i barely made it up the stairs and i was in tears bent over in pain. mom freaked out. a really really good freak out. she called mary to see what side the appendix is on and mary said i was complaining of pain on the wrong side for it to be anything like that. so we went to the clinic with about 10 minutes to spare. i didn't think i could walk to the door but i did. i don't remember them taking me anywhere but somehow i ended up on those weird half bed things in one of the rooms. dr. wilgby was there and he kept saying, well, are you pregnant? are you sure you're not pregnant? i kept yelling about the pain, and no! no sex! cmon! and he said well..when they said claire fiedler was here with incredible back and ab pain i thought it was old clara fielder with her stones. i must have blanked again because i was back in the car and mom was driving, and i felt nauseous. she told me later i kept saying, "mom, i'm going to die. i'm going to die. i never wanna feel like this again." I'm going to die. it's worse than feeling like you're gonna die. test, blood, morphine, iv's. red jello. puke. kidney stone made of calcium deposits from a crystallizing kidney. in a 17 year old female. so here i am, almost two years later, i've had about 4 or 5 hospitalized visits for them. and i've passed six to date. there is one in my right kidney and a possible one in my left. neither moving, for now. and i want some more pop. sigh.. i'm going to die.