you may have seen these...

:(

i miss them already.

i don't want to go yet.

hurt the first, the last, the inbetween.

back in the day...

seriously, this girl is as fun as they get. 

:) had so much fun this morning. 

4am is always worth it.

i'm made of wax, larry, what are you made of?

 don't blink, they won't even miss you at all. and don't think that i'll always be gone. you know i got you like a puppet in the palm of my hand. don't you let me down.

So run like hell,
Sleep with one eye open
You can forgive or forget
You will tell everyone the damage done
Too bad you can't stop me
You can't stop me now

I'll be there just to watch you fall
So don't push me,
I've got nothing to lose.

"fckya party on wayne"

if there were words

sometimes i feel sad about things i don't want to be sad about.

"Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

"I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her."

every stupid thing you do makes my heart sick.

"I’m sorry that somehow, that somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. And now when I really need to speak up, when I really need to tell you something, I can’t. And I bite my tongue, and I dig my nails into my hands and I squeeze my eyes shut when the tears begin to well in them. And what is there to do except repeat the profound feeling of hate? But I don’t hate you, I love you and that is the problem. And you can accuse me of being cold, or cruel, or not caring, but I care. I care so much that every stupid thing you do makes my heart sick."

someone once said that what you want to say has already been said (which i of course take grave offense to) so if you can't say it better, let them say it for you. well, i could say it a million ways, but my words are tired. and my heart is tired. of everything that has broken within me and this life. so i sit. mull over the promises forgotten and i think, somewhere along the way, i lost my voice.

fkdlk

title this.

let's do one, two, three, four, five.

from then till now, it goes as so.
i giggled and called my boys fowl names.
they laughed and grabbed my wrists.
tussled me and threatened to throw me in.
i screeched in the 60 degree air.
it was 10:47pm from the big red glow on main.
we went in like one, two, three, four, five.
the water soothed me. we goofed and splashed.
at 1:15am i was slipping myself into bed.
alarm buzz at 9:00am. today's it gets done.

dug a small rectangle hole in the dirt.
kathy said dirt of nd was unlike anywhere else.
dg said the soil looked sandy.
i thought, soil sounds like soul sometimes.
dad grunted with shovel movements.
kevin said really good words.
mom muttered how sweet.
i missed my brother and sister.
we unearthed ellen. put her beside papa.
sealed the handmade coffin, settled the dirt again.
all was well. i felt adeline smile.