don't play in her garden, and don't smell her flower.

last night at the 808. 

al la kitchen open! 

hallelujah.

command it!

this blog won't turn into only words.

i don't even know you, north carolina, but i miss you.

08.20.10

i know you see me now, right now.

spoken in lyrics.

i got ice in my veins, blood in my eye, hate in my heart, love on my mind,
i seen nights full of pain, days of the same.

you keep the sunshine, save me the rain.
i search but never find, hurt but never cry,
i work and forever try, but im cursed so never mind.
and its worse but better times, seems further and beyond.









it hurts but I never show, this pain you’ll never know
if only you can see just how lonely and how cold
and frostbit i’ve become. my back’s against the wall
when push come to shove, i just stand up and scream fuck em all
man it feels like these walls are closing in, this roof is caving in... 












emergency brake.

even

so not even.
i wasn't living to make it even. whatever that means.
i didn't break nothin.
i didn't even have to worry about breaking anything.
or maybe you mean time. and that shitty, shitty feeling.
i don't think that could ever be even.




so no, baby, not even.


coma. that's a good explanation.
it's funny. not at all. but i wrote it last night, i wrote it just like this.

i don’t know what it’s like for you, but you still creep in. for me.

even when i try.

you still..just .....hush. 

it’s like that old writing, where your voice just won’t stop.

i wanted it there, but it was never there when i wanted it the most. 

and now it’s here and i don’t want to hear. 

jesus christ that’s a pretty face, cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark.

i tried really hard, but sometimes i just sink, even with so many life preservers. 

and then today it's hey.
hey! 
no. no. no. disabandoned. always pointing right at you. always. 




c    l    i    m    b

08.11.10

what am i doing!

08.10.10

"okay you're a goon but what's a goon to a goblin."

put it where it hurts most.

it happens every time babe.
it's in the way they sing.
     every lyric jumps through my fingers.
it's in the way i think to the past.
                      you used to be around.
it's in the way you don't say a god damn thing.
            your name is the same, but your soul hasn't been within miles of mine.
it's in the way i always think you will.
                             that was the last time i gave it all.


it happens every god damn time.
it's the way they say your name.
          god, like they know you.
it's the way they tell the stories.
                   shut up shut up
it's the way they look at me after.
     i itch my wrists.
it's the way they ask if they left anything out.
                             i say no, but it's always yes.


it happens every time.
it's the way i take it all back.
       i'm here, "going down as you're lover, your friend." 
it's the way i'll always give it all to you.
             "fading to black and i love you."
it's the way you probably already know.
                            "wherever you go i'm callin, even if you're breakin my heart."   
it's the way it's always in the way.
                    "smother me."



"i love you but baby do me a favor... don't reply."

washing you out of my hair and out of my mind.

keeping my eye on the world, so many thousands of feet off the ground.


perfect day.
sore throat, only in the mornings.
264 inbox messages. 
2 loads of laundry.
sifting through a grand of pictures.
backing up un-finsihed work.
one small suitcase.
four pairs of clothes.
a funeral.
a drive with parents.
my brother.
a plane. 
my sister.
california.
wooo..





at home in the clouds, towering over your head.

8.02.10

stay save, stay strong.  i cut my own hair.

i learned to look like i feel.

battle. if you could only come so far.

systems, 

go. 

satellite, minus ten, twilight.

have you seen the big red ball.

have you seen it eluding from the deep night sky.

the moon has more warmth than your daily glow.

so can we get a systems,

go.

i would go to the sky.

as i would go,

i would say good bye.

as i would go,

you'd watch me watch the moon.

as i would go,

i would blast.

satellite, minus ten, twilight.

off to the beyond, floating off.

i would show you who i see.

off to the beyond, floating off.

i would show you who they are.

off to the beyond, floating off.

i would prove.

so can we get a systems,

go.

found. finally.

landed. found. 

prepared for the night.

as i go now.

maybe you could understand.

as i go now.

i have found.

as i go now.

a blast of my own.

blast, prove. blast proof.

higher than you've ever been.

i have found.

my own.

and they know exactly what that big red ball looks like, 

from the satellites, at twilight.

oh baby, i learned to look like i feel.