i know it must be late

because it's yesterday.

it's so hard to see.

i know you know how my silence goes.

we are pilots

yeah your selfish, just like everybody else. so drink up.

bubbles added for effect. need more arms.

taken by the nighttime. taken by the moonshine. woah. 

taken by the bright lights. you're denyin, but you're tied to your desires.

yeah, you're selfish, just like everyone else. so drink up.

if we try hard enough

there is so much great out there, how can i possibly keep up..

i was sick today. 

stones and pop, a long one.

i really like coke on ice, from the can.

the first thing i do is suck down the fizz after i pore it in.

there's always just gobs of it and it tingles up into my nose.

my grandma got me started with that. 

but i really like coke from the can, on ice. 

almost better than a can of mountain dew.

i was having a really good coke from the can on ice when all of sudden my back was hurting. and it would not go away. i finished the coke, and it still didn't stop. i thought it was the usual, cracked vertebrae acting annoyed. anyway, it didn't go away and didn't go away. so i went down to the poolside for some advice. "go lay down." i got home and layed down, it got worse. i started to get nervous and my mom came home from work, it had been about 2 hours since i thought it was the cracked vertebrae. i barely made it up the stairs and i was in tears bent over in pain. mom freaked out. a really really good freak out. she called mary to see what side the appendix is on and mary said i was complaining of pain on the wrong side for it to be anything like that. so we went to the clinic with about 10 minutes to spare. i  didn't think i could walk to the door but i did. i don't remember them taking me anywhere but somehow i ended up on those weird half bed things in one of the rooms. dr. wilgby was there and he kept saying, well, are you pregnant? are you sure you're not pregnant? i kept yelling about the pain, and no! no sex! cmon! and he said well..when they said claire fiedler was here with incredible back and ab pain i thought it was old clara fielder with her stones. i must have blanked again because i was back in the car and mom was driving, and i felt nauseous. she told me later i kept saying, "mom, i'm going to die. i'm going to die. i never wanna feel like this again." I'm going to die. it's worse than feeling like you're gonna die. test, blood, morphine, iv's. red jello. puke. kidney stone made of calcium deposits from a crystallizing kidney. in a 17 year old female. so here i am, almost two years later, i've had about 4 or 5 hospitalized visits for them. and i've passed six to date. there is one in my right kidney and a possible one in my left. neither moving, for now. and i want some more pop. sigh.. i'm going to die.

knockout

i think, "man i should post something."
and then i realize i've been staring out the window for quite some time.....

weezy sings my afternoon away. OK.

party on my mind

i'm a d. girl.

im'ma d- girl--

with weezy  bumpin, i got it all, i got it all. 

im'ma d' girl.

you comin?

tebow.

i do not enjoy scraping my mothers kitties of the road.  

i do not enjoy calling her to tell her.

i do not enjoy carrying the broken body home.

i do not enjoy lowering the broken body into a grave i dug with a broken shovel.

i do not enjoy the wind that blew the bloody towels over the yard.

i do not enjoy having tebow's blood on my thumb. 

i do not enjoy having any of those sentences inside myself.

that's why i had to say it.

but i could play with fire to break the ice.

airborne murph.

rope.

great idea on the way.

flavor of the week

i remember the day on the bus. after my friends got off, you told your friend to move over. you told me to forget about it. always telling me what to do. i pulled your hand to my lap and as i tried really hard to swallow, i looked at you. you reached around my side and i thought, "Like the ground fighting to reach the sky."  all you said was "why." every time. it's always time, and it's always why. and it always, always hurts. we need better words. stronger ones. i stayed quiet. and it's something, it's just enough for you to say the words again. "Loving the sky is a dangerous game. Loving the ground is exactly the same." there's nothing i can do but take it in. we both know you're right. i remember thinking how it would never be the same again. you drew the line and i stepped over it. i think that's when you knew. because i never said a word, i only kissed your cheek and you sighed like usual. but it felt different. i knew you'd be there tomorrow. and the next day. i knew we'd make it. and still, i know. "i live it out, as i saw it behind your eyes." i remember all the days. 

you're tuggin me now, cut me lose or take me on.

one in the afternoon.

(outtake). ++

even rats know the troubles gonna come, to the edge of the city..see the little guys run. i hear that spring is nice in canada. maybe the men up on capitol hill need a little less jack and little more jill. you can have my stereo. (actually you can't have my stereo) even though the race may never be won, i can lay like a dandy, gettin heavy int he sun. take a love song, and beautify. [the slip] i could write these lyrics all day long, take a listen. 

808

back at the 808

this is my house number. dad put these up last summer i believe. 

i'm home. i'm unpacked. i don't feel that different. 

1/102

"drops at 808"

1/102

..was expecting sun, found droplets

___________________________________________________________________

an outtake, runner up. 






you should consider looking on my website, www.clairefiedler.com, for the rest of the 102's this summer.

and maybe we'll be rhyming soon

i'm tired of this

102 days of summer

starting 5.12.10

may 12, 2007

make music with the chatter in here

"so i was thinking, in the shower... we've been together for like...6 years. that's a fricken long time. i mean if we'd be dating, we'd be married by now. and we're moving into together! don't you agree with me?! we're good life partners." -Hannah. May 7, 2010 4:48p.m.


in the background, 5 years time - noah and the whale. 
"wherever you go there'll be love love love."

what hit shuffle

i admit, i miss seein your face, babe.
and bein alone is starting to take its toll--
i'm cold and it's getting old.
i admit, i shoulda made some changes.
we were so smothered in love, we didn't have a chance to come up for air.


what a waste, where did the time go. where did i minds go, i don't know.
what's this place, where did our home go. we won't know, i don't know.

i admit, i'm still watchin the days go by--
and sleeping alone is starting to break me down.
it's cold, but i shoulda known.
i admit, i'm made a few mistakes, babe.
we were so caught up in love, we didn't have chance to come up for air.

what a waste, where did the time go. where did i minds go, i don't know.

what's this place. where did my heart go. i don't know, i'll never know.

haven't heard that song in awhile.