untitled

nelson 565

hannah and i started a blog about our living arrangement, and just a lot of fun stuff.

so go check it out (nelson565.blogspot.com) and follow us.

and write comments.

right now we're doing this dare thing.

so even if you don't like us, you could still look at it and make us do something ridiculous :) haha.

i need to study now.

bye.

took a breath, listened to the old brag of my heart

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

i wish, with most of my being, that i wrote this.

that's the joint

this is the room. sorta....hjh said we need to put pictures up on that disgusting thing they call facebook. and we will. sometime.

introducing, the room:

the board...where we post things. and the crazy light.

the kitchen...where the food be.

the bedroom...where the bunkin be.

my side of the desk.. it's attached to the closet and a little nub hub that has a mirror. but it's too dark right now.

that's all i got!

(p.s. new hair cut.)

fiedler nation.

the dream team.

a blog with photos

something hannah said made me think about doing a little project.

but i quit in the middle.

it's not how i want it.

i hate that.

anyway, it's weird posting photo's of just myself but it's been awhile

since i've gotten some sort of series pictures up so....

the dead don't care.

i got my computer back. computer back, computer back, computer back. sing that like baby back ribs. i did.

heyoooo----

uhmm, my death class is awesome. i wanna be it for a living. hah..

i know, it's just romantic love that won't last but it just might.

to be in love with death. check itttt.

to be in love with the dead.

to be in love with the undertaker's life with the dead.

hear that. "for the men and women who dress in black, and work the weekends and the holidays, who line the cars up and lay the bodies out, who rise and go out in the dark when someone dies and someone calls help." who drive the Death Wagon. the undertaking ones. it's a business and the dead don't care. only the living care. "there is nothing, once you are dead that can be done to you or for you or with you or about you that will do you any good or any harm; that any damage or decency we do accrues to the living, to whom your death happen, if it really happens to anyone. the living have to live with it."

i sat next to a junior named matt. he said so what year are you?

freshman.

yeah, i was gonna say i don't think i've seen you before.

nope, guess not huh. what year are you?

junior...so what was your name?

claire.

well claire, i hope you don't get depressed in the winter, this class won't help much.

(a chuckle) i think i'll do alright, death is cool.

yea, death IS cool...buried or cremated?

oh, cremated.

me too.

"once you are dead, put your feet up, call it a day, and let the husband or the missus or the kids or a sibling decide whether you are to be buried or burned or blown out of a cannon or left to dry out in a ditch somewhere. it's not your day to watch it.. because, the dead don't care."

they're dead. x's on the eyes, lights out, curtains.

helpless, harmless.

dead.

the dead don't care. they can't.

"it's not to say the dead don't matter. of course they do.

they do.

they do."

"the meaning of our lives, and the memories of them, belong to the living, just as our funerals do."

when shit happens, we feel alone.

faith v. fear.

this one will be hard to read, you may want to stop....

"i would sit with the moms and dads of the babies--dead of no discernible cause-- they simply forgot to breathe, trying to make some sense of all of it. (SIDS) the fathers, used to protecting and paying, felt helpless. the mothers seemed to carry a pain in their innards that made them appear breakable."

"when we bury the old, we bury the known past, the past we imagine sometimes better than it was, but the past all the same, a portion of which we inhabited. memory is the overwhelming theme, the eventual comfort. but burying infants, we bury the future, unwieldy and unknown, full of promise and possibilities, outcomes punctuated by our rosy hopes. the grief has no borders,no limits, no known ends, and the little infant graves that edge the corners and fencerows of every cemetery are never quite big enough to contain that grief. some sadness are permanent dead babies do not give us memories. they give us dreams."

i know i probably shouldn't have shared that but...you had the choice of reading right.

new things.

ahhhh!! so much has been happening. and i have no computer to add eye candy.
blah.

firstsees: i live in fargo now. well moorhead. but i'm going to school at msum. and you can tell people now because kate knows. i decided to surprise her and not tell her i was transferring here. then i surprised her at work yesterday with a coffee she enjoys becuase her facebook said "could the day get any worse" i figured then was a perfect time. she cried. i thought she was gonna hit me. she's really happy. she called me twice already.

my uncle kevin lives here too.
my best friend hannah lives here also.
my favorite cousin, (closest cousin, best friend) and his girlfriend (great friend :)) also live only an hour away. a friend or two from high school live there too.
my brother lives 3 hrs from me. along w/ some more relatives.
what else..ooo but that's for the future.

i have a job. but i'm trying to keep it on the down low so my mother doesn't get an ulcer of worry. it's where i call and ask for donations for disabled kids and adults. 16 hrs a week, it's decent. and will do.

i have a depessing schedule.
tuesdays/thursdays:
African American Humanities: the struggle.
Povery and Discriminaton.
Issues in Death and Grief.
i hardly get to see hannah this day.

the food is much better here. and i am in love with our room. it's awesome. but we need more whips yo-play w/e's.

things are better. but they still have a long way to go to where i want. but this is much better.
hopefully my computer will be returning to me soon.
for now....that's all i will give you...
..............................................................ceaf out.

like.

i like when you tell me things.
i like when you say anything.
i like how i settle deep into the hidden meanings.
i like how i stay in those meanings for days to come.
i like how it keeps me afloat.

i'm trying to say i really like any words you say.
especially when you say them to me.
and do you know what you said?
you said, "i like you."
:)

hmm...