disappearing

i've been away for awhile, i know. but i'm going away again...there's just too much.

and your silence cuts deeper than any of your words. then again, it always has, hasn't it.

sweet sweet dreams.

and you're not even around.

today has been so long. just like last night.

just a very busy time. i'm trying to keep a balance of sorts but it doesn't ever feel like it's working.

in the end, sleep time suffers.

by the time i'm ready for bed, i still have around 3 more hours of homework type things, work, or working out. by the time i lay my head down, i start to think. i hate thinking before bed. it never works out well for me. so i usually take a sleeping aid to avoid the whole process. therefore, the next morning, it's still running its course because i've only slept for four hours.

enough of that nonsense though. i have news.

"my boyfriend's" name is cody. :) he was in my dorm the other night studying with a group of kids and i heard them call him that. they were studying for psychology. i got a 94. there was talk the night before that cody was definitely going to fail. next time i'll tell him to study with me.

i spent four and a half hours in the dark room today and i'm certain my hands will permanently smell like fixer. have you ever smelt fixer? at first you think that it smells terrible. the more time you spend with it, the more you start to kinda like it.

i really miss someone. it's really starting to suck even more than before.

it's driving me crazy. it's making me irritated.

before i leave, to write 2 papers and read government articles...i'd like to leave you with two things.

first, "god of wine" by third eye blind.

...I walk home alone with you / And the mood you're born into / Sometimes you let me in / And I take it on the chin / I can't get clean again / I want to know can we get clean again...

...And soon the cells give way, and cancels out the day / I can't keep it all together / I know I know I know... / I can't keep it all together / And the siren's song that is your madness / Holds a truth I can't erase / All alone on your face / Every glamorous sunrise / Throws the planets out of line / A star sign out of whack, a fraudulent zodiac / And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room / You let me down, I said it, now I'm going down / And you're not even around / And I said no no no... / I can't keep it all together / I know I know I know... / I can't keep it all together...

second, the naked newspaper files ::

i feel this way.

.........ceaf out.

on the naked newspaper files

the first of many blogs like this....

my metallic naked newspaper

she's a paper cut out

missed the train to mars

she always waits for me.

you can't say you've never felt this way.

you don't wanna miss this.

sitting naked.

and looking dead.

safety in a pin.

handmade background.

i've found a calling, i've found a focus.

i'll be going this way.

i'll be going to the top this way.

i don't think i told her thank you for being my creative muse. :) so thank you hannah.

i love love love these photo's i'll be editing for fun for weeks.

i'm so excited.

if i had my own world, i'd build you an empire.

from here to the far lands. to spread love like violence.

oh the faces of kori dobitz.

love love love ^^

suppose to be dull.

because i like that way.

the past will re-surface

"DUDE! ......What are your intentions?"

"help him with his photography."

"....Does he have a big lens............ Hahaha"

"SNORT!! hahahaha"

in other "happs," they say that the past repeats itself....

i sure hope so. i miss her so much.

watch as the next three progress :)

can't wait :)

she'll always be my best model :)

she hates this picture ^

this reminds me of those uncle sam posters. "uncle sam wants YOU!"

"hannah wants ME!"

i'm coming, i'm coming. :)